To help our product management colleagues in the toy business, I've prepared this handy list that can be dropped into any design specification or requirements document destined for use by an overseas manufacturing subsidiary, partner or contractor:
Unless enumerated explicitly elsewhere in this document and accompanied by a separate waiver, the specified toy shall not under any circumstance include undocumented use of the following materials or coatings :
1. Lead
2. Kerosene
3. Kryptonite
4. Gypsy Tears
5. "Mammalian excreta"
6. Radium
7. AIDS
8. Ant venom
9. Blue ice
10. Plutonium
11. Organs (fresh or dried)
12. Formica
13. White Zinfandel
14. Asbestos
15. Red Dye #3
16. Love Potion #9
17. Sizzlean
18. Tree Brain Fungus
19. Cicadas, Live
20. Roundup®
(If you have some items you'd add to this list, by all means, let me know. You'll be helping our toy-making friends from certain future harm.)
3 comments:
Funny! You should write for TopFive.com. :-)
Bag o' Glass
Consumer Reporter.....Candice Bergen
Irwin Mainway.....Dan Aykroyd
Irwin Mainway: We're just packaging what the kids want! I mean, it's a creative toy, you know? If you hold this up, you know, you see colors, every color of the rainbow! I mean, it teaches him about light refraction, you know? Prisms, and that stuff! You know what I mean?
Consumer Reporter: So, you don't feel that this product is dangerous?
Irwin Mainway: No! Look, we put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - broken glass!" I mean, we sell a lot of products in the "Bag O'" line.. like Bag O' Glass, Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid. They're decent toys, you know what I mean?
Consumer Reporter: Well, I guess we could say that all of your toys are really unsafe and should rightfully be banned from the market.
DONT MAKE PLUSH KITTENS OUT OF KITTENS!!!!!
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