review: coca-cola blak

I first met Coca-Cola Blak in the local grocery store the other day carrying a MSRP of $4.99 for a 4-pack of 8-oz bottles, but "on sale" for $1.99. A quick scan of the label revealed that Coca-Cola Blak was a "Carbonated Fusion Beverage".


I held out a small hope that the beverage might facilitate multiple nuclei joining together to form a heavier nucleus, accompanied by the release or absorption of energy depending on the masses of the nuclei involved. But in this case "fusion" meant that in addition to carbonated water and high-fructose corn syrup, I could look forward to some coffee extract if I elected to drink it.

I put the bottle down and backed slowly away from the display. I still have Pepsi Kona flashbacks, and wanted no part of this latest foray into cola/coffee hybrids.

So when the wife came home today with a 4-pack - unannounced, I'll have you know - I decided to face my fear; three hours later, properly chilled and decanted into a clean glass, I am about to explore Coca-Cola Blake Blak.

Let's take a sip. . . oh my.

Observations:

1. Something distantly related to coffee flavor lurks in this stuff.
2. Frankly, it tastes more of coffee on the way back up (burp-wise) than it does on the way down.
3. It's diet-cola sweet instead of gum-receding regular cola sweet.
4. It has the mouth-feel of a root beer Dum Dum lollypop that's been rolled in aspartame first, with an aftertaste that carries notes of old leather, hedgehog and regret.

After washing my mouth out with the soothing neutral flavor of tequila, I discovered that BevNET weighs in on this drink as well: "The taste of the product is enjoyably sweet and creamy, but the aftertaste is somewhat brutal, with bitter flavors of coffee and aspartame left behind."

Nice job, Coca-Cola. In a side note to the MBAs running product naming, I wanted to mention that putting a long bar over a vowel makes it a "long vowel", which means your product is pronounced Coca-Cola "Blake". Time to brush up on your phonics.