But having read the New York Times' coverage of today's events, I finally understand it.
Ice dancing is not an olympic sport - and that's OK. All it needs is Mr. Peterman and it would be complete. It's Olympic Reality TV.
Even Congress got in on the game, passing a law (for all of you who don't remember Schoolhouse Rock and/or slept through your high school civics class, this is what a bill becomes when it gets signed by El Presidente) to grant citizenship to a particularly gifted (ahem) young lady ice-dancer just under the end-of-calendar-year 2005. Oi vey.
With full props to the athletes - ice dancing, snowboard half-pipe, snowboard cross, skeleton - these are TV sports designed to boost ratings and interest in the games. Let's embrace them for what they give us, namely, something to watch on TV in February. But let's not stop with these sports. Let's add more.
So for 2010, let's lobby for the inclusion of the following new winter sports:
- Snowman Assembly (and Pairs Snowman Assembly)
- Metal Saucer Sledding
- Sliding Down Hills in Dress Shoes
- Driveway Shoveling
- Demolition Derby in Snowy Parking Lots
- Short-track speed skating is a gift to us ADHD types. It's an icy equivalent of roller derby, except with angry (fast) Koreans.
- What the heck is the biathalon? Training for Armageddon when you'll have to ski from hamlet to hamlet and shoot at the marauders?
- And then there's Curlilng. It must be a sport of the Knights Templar for as obscure as it is. But having watched an afternoon of curling on the brother-in-law's big HDTV set, it's strangely compelling in a Better Living through Physics way. Try it yourself, especially in the company of a delightful beverage. Or three.