Sunday, February 19, 2006

confused: ice dancing, and other icy sports

At the risk of attracting the attention of roaming death-squads of militant ice dancing fans, I have to admit I don't get it.

But having read the New York Times' coverage of today's events, I finally understand it.

Ice dancing is not an olympic sport - and that's OK. All it needs is Mr. Peterman and it would be complete. It's Olympic Reality TV.

Even Congress got in on the game, passing a law (for all of you who don't remember Schoolhouse Rock and/or slept through your high school civics class, this is what a bill becomes when it gets signed by El Presidente) to grant citizenship to a particularly gifted (ahem) young lady ice-dancer just under the end-of-calendar-year 2005. Oi vey.

With full props to the athletes - ice dancing, snowboard half-pipe, snowboard cross, skeleton - these are TV sports designed to boost ratings and interest in the games. Let's embrace them for what they give us, namely, something to watch on TV in February. But let's not stop with these sports. Let's add more.

So for 2010, let's lobby for the inclusion of the following new winter sports:
  • Snowman Assembly (and Pairs Snowman Assembly)
  • Metal Saucer Sledding
  • Sliding Down Hills in Dress Shoes
  • Driveway Shoveling
  • Demolition Derby in Snowy Parking Lots
  • Knitting
Some thoughts on other events:

  • Short-track speed skating is a gift to us ADHD types. It's an icy equivalent of roller derby, except with angry (fast) Koreans.
  • What the heck is the biathalon? Training for Armageddon when you'll have to ski from hamlet to hamlet and shoot at the marauders?
  • And then there's Curlilng. It must be a sport of the Knights Templar for as obscure as it is. But having watched an afternoon of curling on the brother-in-law's big HDTV set, it's strangely compelling in a Better Living through Physics way. Try it yourself, especially in the company of a delightful beverage. Or three.


Camie Vog said...

Oh, I see... You've failed to mention to your loyal readers that you recently made the decision to join me in Knitting Pairs competition. Remember? You will be manning the left needle. Except for the all important cast on, all you must do is hold the needle still. Similar to ice dancing, it is the woman who does all the fancy moves, that is why I get the right needle. You will also be pleased to hear that Mr. Peterman will be the lead judge in said competition. Don't be late for practise!

ha ha word verification:KZHOU !

Anonymous said...

Ah, leave it to an American to express his ignorance about the popularity of a sport that is extraordinarily popular with his northern neighbors. :) Curling is not just a phenomenon, it is huge in Canada and they have a long history of dominating the sport. It's as big as golf in the United States - 3% play the sport and 11% of Canadians watch Curling on TV. And the majority of the players are in the upper middle class - so it truly is Golf for the frozen land.

Think of a it in another way, it's Petanque on ice. Even a Francophone can appreciate the appeal in that case.

If you want some hilarious education into the sport, try out the great movie href="">Men With Brooms which ranks up there with Hoosiers as a great dramatic sports flick.

Yes, I am married to a Canadian so I can't help but get re-educated on a regular basis about the important contributions the great Maple Leaf to the North has offered to the world. Popularizing Curling is one of them. :)

bob said...

Petanque on Ice I get. I am now a fan of Curling. Except I didn't see anyone drinking wine, which is a required piece of equipment to Petanque.