Saturday, September 16, 2006

revisionism: the rules of renais sancem and om

The Rules of Renais Sancem and Om, v3.0.1
(The Version for Cads and Libertines)

1. Every day, either learn a new skill or hone one you already have.
There *has* to be a better way to get a whole lot of Mentos into a 2-liter container of Diet Coke. Find it.

2. Don’t instinctively say “no” when presented with possible new interests.
The proper response is "hell no". Followed up by a brisk jab to the face then a stern uppercut to the jaw to teach them that "you're already in the know" on any subject that might even remotely hold your interest.

3. Know who you admire.
Better yet, know whom you admire - as long as it's Marshall McLuhan (great-grandfather of Lindsay McLohan), the patron saint of pronouns.

4. Be able to entertain ideas without accepting them.
This includes knowing how to get your ideas fall-down drunk, draw Kabuki masks on their stomachs with Sharpie pens, drop them off on the Dean's front lawn and deny any knowledge of how they got there in the first place, you were at home on the phone with your pastor/rabbi/bookie, just check the records.

5. Be autodidactic, even if you’re in school.
Just don't let anyone catch you autodidacting. They wouldn't understand.

6. Improve your learning ability.
Purge your mind of useless facts, morals, sensibilities, distinctive competencies and autodidact work logs, all the better to present a pure field of leaning potential to the stream of facts you bathe in each day.

7. The more sources of fulfillment, the better.
This will afford you the ability to pursue polyautodidactism, which if you can keep their names straight, is a swanky alterantive to monoautodidactism.

8. Know what you want to be, but let the world decide if you are.
(This rule has been expunged from version 3.0.1 of the Rules for Renais Sancem and Om as utterly contradictory to the inalienable right to unrepentant self-determination. Also because it suggests that you should actually care what the world thinks. Phooey.)

9. Collect a wide variety of experiences.
Collect 'em all, especially the super rare experiences, and the special ultra-rare experiences! Keep your common experiences in a shabby box, but file your rare ones in acrylic sleeves sealed in purpose-built lucite slabs hidden in your closet, where you a) can't see them but b) they're safe from the prying eyes of the less fortunate.

10. Slow progress beats none at all.
Unless you are crushed by someone making rapid progress, in which case you're better off having never started in the first place. Savor the dark, rich flavor of regret and begin the equally savory task of (rapidly) plotting your revenge.

11. Never miss the chance to approach what initially seem like troubles as opportunities.
Develop great facility with the noble skill called "rationalization", which magically transforms the bad into the good! Soon you'll find yourself surrounded by opportunities, and plagued by the realization that there just isn't enough time to capitalize on them all. Refer to #10.

12. Always have goals.
Having goals is a good thing. Just be aware that documenting them provides a priori evidence of intent, which is not always a good thing. See #13.

13. Keep a notebook handy.
Detailed evidence can transform your case from "based on hearsay" to "based on a written account", a leap of creduilty that means money in the bank for you, especially if you get in trouble because of #7.

14. Whatever you’re doing, think.
Thankfully, in the most basic sense, your autonomic nervous system is working for you around the clock, which absolves you of ever having to say, "I wasn't thinking". For indeed, you always are! Let's take a quick inventory - breathe while you sleep? Check! Quod erat demonstratum, baby! Because you *are* always thinking, all of your actions can claim foundation in thought, especially those flavored as described in #10.

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