considered: impulsivity

CBS News contributor Steve Benen raises an important question late in this article that got me to thinking.

We've all known people who demonstrate - for better or for worse - a "ready fire aim" approach to life. Impulsivity, in its many manifestations, can be charming and even occasionally effective, especially when this impulsiveness is balanced by the qualities of others.

I'm often reminded that diverse teams can be very strong teams.  I've known people whose ability to pull insights out of the blue - and express them readily - has been a real asset over time.

I've also known people whose inability to control their impulses has been very disruptive, especially when the expression of their impulsiveness has been explosive.

I just have to ask this question: if impulsivity a disqualifying quality in a leader?  Where does this rank among other disqualifying qualities?

living: the literary life

It's a beautiful Saturday here in the midwest, a lovely, hurricane- and locust-free day.  The tomatoes are exploding out in the garden, the kids are done with their morning soccer, and the lunch dishes are in the washing machine.  Dogs are a-barking, cicadas are a-thrilling.  All suggesting that it is the perfect time for some semi-coherent musings on a topic near and dear to my heart.  Hey, it's my dime, I can muse semi-coherently if I want.

The question is: what does it mean to "live a literary life"?

For some it's writing 1,000 words and one "charming note" a day, five days a week, for the rest of your life.  That's a pretty good start; I'm a big fan of the sprit behind the charming note, a concept introduced by Carolyn See. 

For others it's being part of a community of creative people, some of whom are striving to make a living being literary.  This goes nicely with the above.

For some of us it's a hobby, for others it's a matter of life and/or death.  My mental image of Hemmingway huddled up in a shabby Paris cafe while his young wife waited with their baby in a nearby garret (as described in A Moveable Feast) is not a charming thought, it's a haunting one.  But gosh, he was a writer.  Even if I despise him as an adulterer.

I've commented in the past about "rules for writing", first of which was "if you're going to be a writer, write", which was about as useful a statement as "if you're going to go, then go" or "if you're going to eat that, then eat that".

A better source for such "rules for writing" for me has been. . . actual writers.  I've been impressed by those "real" writers I've met at book signings, at conventions and through friends, as much for their balls (a gender-neutral expression of praise) as for their tenacity.   I was especially intrigued by something Jim Butcher (author of the Dresden Files and the Codex Alera) said in response to the question "do you have a muse":

"No, I have a mortgage."

Is his "art" diminished in any way by the fact that it's his job?  I don't think so.  He's still a writer.  He just understands why he's doing it.  He's under no illusions that his job is anything other than to write books that will sell.  It's obvious he's having a good time doing it.  He's living the literary life.

It's how he lives his literary life that I find compelling.  I think there's something very clarifying and motivating about putting yourself on the clock, about setting yourself to a discrete goal that must be achieved if you want to, say, keep the lights on.  It certainly shines a new light on the rejection letter - it's the equivalent of an "at bat", where you the batter fail to reach base.  You will walk away from the plate with your bat in your hand far more often than you'll toss it idly aside as you begin your home run trot.  Rejection isn't an indictment of the essential you or your worth as a writer.  It's part of the process, and you can either embrace it or let it crush you.  He's a creative person who knows how to get s__t done.

I just finished Carolyn See's book Making a Literary Life for the first time after reading it in bursts a number of years ago.  She makes this point very clearly and with great elan - and even recommends a bit of aikido when she suggests sending "thank you" notes to the folks who reject your stories, who write bad reviews, or who otherwise crap on your dream.  I like her ideas for how to transform your life into a literary one, if you are so inclined and if you are prepared for it.  She's another creative person who knows how to get s__t done.

Living the literary life is more than having a big stack of books on your nightstand.  It's a commitment to putting your thoughts down on paper with the ultimate goal of getting paid for them, knowing full well that the journey is not easy and will as likely as not be littered with repeated episodes of rejection and confusion.  If you're not committed to getting paid, that's not a literary life - it's a literary hobby.

Which shines a bit of an odd light on this whole blogging thing, doesn't it.  We may think we're living the literary life, but are we?  You can hang some AdSense ads on your blog, scramble for some sponsors, but is that the same thing as living a literary life?  Or is it just being the bright light that lures insects to the zapper?

Is this the new "literary life" in an age where the traditional mechanisms of publishing are being demolished in the same way that the music industry has been?

If so, it seems somewhat less. . . literary.

read: developer job opening

Hows this for an interesting job description? I'm surprised the hiring manager didn't offer candy and wax lips. . .oh, hold it, they do mention sweet snacks. Drat.


Anyhoo, if you are a developer interested in working in SanFran, can code in Rails and are Scrum-friendly, drop me a note and I'll tell you more. Wait a sec, I'll do better than that, I'll give you the contact information so you can apply for this fine job before some other snack- and cash-loving smarty gets to it first.

Because if they hire you I get a ham. It's the standard deal for ack/nak referrals.

Enjoy.

Want to code in Rails, have a blast,....and become wealthy in the process?

[---] is a well-funded start-up located in South Park, San Francisco. We’re building a great consumer service that people will love. We’ve got a great team, and a collaborative environment filled with smart, passionate people.

We are looking for a highly motivated, self-directed full-stack web developer to join our tightly knit team. Experience with Ruby, Rails and Javascript is desirable, but if you have other OO and web programming experience and learn quickly we can get you up to speed. We believe strongly in TDD/BDD and are committed to RSpec and RSpec stories, but as humans we know that 100% code coverage is an ideal, not dogma. On the front end we use Prototype, Scriptaculous, and Low Pro (yes, we know jQuery is the one our mother wishes we had married). On the back end we use MySQL, AWS and SQS. In the middle, of course, is Rails (currently 2.1.0, we're up to date, but not so edgy as to use Edge).

We manage our process using Scrum. We do our best to limit overhead, protect developers from distractions, and keep the focus on making a great product from top to bottom. You'll have the opportunity to work on a wide variety of projects. The engineering team does a comprehensive code review at the end of each sprint, so you will benefit from our experience and we from yours.

Developers have pride of place in our Victorian office near South Park with a sunny "Dev Parlor" in front and a couch-filled "Conference Parlor" in the back. Our office manager keeps our larder stocked with fruit, sweet & salty snacks, and sodas. We have mastered the subtleties of brewing Blue Bottle coffee, which we keep in plentiful supply. We also mix it up by spending some days teleworking at home or in cafes, as suits the needs of our individual team members.

stop motion: kermesse fantastique

Kermesse Fantastique, produced for Phillips, was used as a Trade Test Colour Film on BBC-2.

"Before Wallace and Gromit, before Gumby and Pokey, Hungarian-born animator and director George Pal (1908-1980) created the stop-motion shorts he dubbed "Puppetoons". . .with as many as 5,000 individually carved puppets per short." -- Amazon

Speaking of Amazon, you can buy George Pal's "The Puppetoon Movie" for $10.

Alas, Kermesse Fantastique is not on it. Amazon reviewer Michael Osborn from Seattle, WA details the contents of the DVD as follows:

What you are getting on this DVD is actually TWO MOVIES FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!
First, you get `The Puppetoon Movie' which was a theatrical release in 1987. It was a labor of love written and directed by Arnold Leibovit and was born out of the highest regard for George Pal's marvelous Puppetoons from the 30's and 40's. It opens however with a somewhat inept Gumby skit wherein Pokey and Arnie the T-Rex proceed to initiate Gumby into the world of George Pal by sitting him down and showing him some Puppetoons. I advise you to skip this chapter and launch right into the second through the tenth chapters which are nine Puppetoons conveniently divided by chapters:

*1. The Little Broadcast (1943) and The Big Broadcast of '38 (1937)
*2. Hoola Boola (1938?) and South Sea Sweethearts (1938) for Horlick's
3. Sleeping Beauty (1935) for Phillips
4. Tulips Shall Grow (1942)
5. Together In The Weather (1946)
6. John Henry and the Inky Poo (1946)
7. Phillips Cavalcade (1934-9?) for Phillips Radio
8. Jasper in a Jam (194?)
9. Tubby the Tuba (1947) The last Puppetoon short made.

*Puppetoons 1 and 2 (unfortunately) each consist of two Puppetoons edited and spliced together! -why? The other ones have their logos and credits removed in an attempt to create a cavalcadesque Puppetoons show, somewhat disappointingly shorn in effect.
All of the Puppetoons were made before television was invented, when the movie theater was the true pinnacle of the dream vision manifest experience, although there were radios in practically every home. George Pal financed several of his Puppetoons by funding from clients who were basically paying to have their products' recognition foisted on an unsuspecting movie-going public. These advertisements were shown before feature films, and they were nonetheless successful because they used a soft sell approach with the product not appearing until late in the film, and even then it was almost a parody of itself.
Phillips Radio Manufactures was one of the first companies to utilize Pal's films for advertising. Radio was the "TV" of the time. Different kinds of music from around the world provided a perfect backdrop for Pal's animation, which works wonderfully when set to music. Horlick's Malted Milk was another one of Pal's many advertising clients. The product was a "tonic" which would make the drinker "energetic" almost like Popeye and his spinach.
'The Bonus Puppetoons' is the second movie and alone is worth the price of the disk! It is probably more of what you may actually be looking for. It is twelve uncut Puppetoons complete with titles and logos. Three of these Puppetoons (4, 6, and 11) are complete versions of ones cropped in 'The Puppetoon Movie' and all twelve are crisper and clearer too. Definitely satisfying.

1. What Ho, She Bumps (1937) for Horlick's
2. Bravo, Mr. Strauss (1943)
3. Olio for Jasper (1946)
4. Phillips Cavalcade (1934-9?) for Phillips Radio
5. Jasper's Derby (1946)
6. Hoola Boola (1938?)
7. Ether Symphony (1936)
8. Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp (1936)
9. The Magic Atlas (1935) for Phillips
10. Jasper and the Haunted House (1942)
11. The Big Broadcast of '38 (1937) for Phillips
12. Ether Ship (1934) for Phillips, (made with beautiful glass models!)

Plus: A very interesting and long interview with Puppetoon Studios animator, Bob Baker!

If you find you have to learn more about George Pal and get a copy of The Puppetoon Movie, Amazon has combined the Arnold Leibovit documentary, "The Puppetoon Movie" and Pal's first film "The Great Rupert" in a 3-disc set for $27.

(Discovered at the Secret Fun Blog)

photoessay: scenes from a trip to the city

(All photos taken with a Blackberry Pearl)

winner: the official cocktail of summer (2008)

Devoted readers of ack/nak will remember with great fondness the two previous winners of the ack/nak "official cocktail of summer" award. Those of you who are not quite as devoted will require links to help you remember how to mix the perfect Manhattan and a never-perfect Chupacablahblah.  Please review them for context.

For 2008, the competition was fierce.  Many new cocktails were attempted, not quite as many were perfected, but all were consumed and evaluated.  My apologies to guests who participated in the evaluation process, a process which was not always as enjoyable as I had hoped it would be.  I am especially sorry for those of you who participated in the extensive evaluation of the Paloma, and I hope your recovery is coming along nicely.

But in the end there can be only one.

In 2008, the official cocktail of summer is. . .

The Caipirinha.

Sweet Jesu in a Birch-Bark Canoe, this is a drink that demands respect.  Forged from an unholy alliance of limes, sugar and poorly-refined automobile propellant, this Brazilian classic will deprive you of a variety of senses and a measurable quantity of your cognitive capacity.  Good news, you will be unlikely to come down with a case of scurvy after one of these, so you've got that going for you.

The main culprit in this cocktail is cachaca, a traditional Brazilian beverage that like most clear distilled liquors comes in a variety of strengths, from "smooth" to "sort of smooth" to "don't get it on that paint" to "industrial solvent".

 

If the Manhattan gives you a sense of what severe tire damage feels like, the Caipirinha introduces you to Mr. Great Big Sumo Guy.  As he's falling from a third story window.  On you.

 

An Asian Lime, halved, cored and sliced into four segments.  These aren't the round ball limes you see at the check-out line at Binny's.  These look more like lemons.  Make sure to cut off the ends.

1 teaspoon of demerara sugar

3 nuggets of crystalized ginger

2+ ounces of cachaca

Ice

Place the lime slices in a thick-bottomed glass.  Sprinkle the sugar on it, and drop in the crystallized ginger.  Muddle the piss out of it.  Really, just wail away at this until you've got a barely-recognizable organic paste.  Aim for "can't quite tell if there's sugar in there".

Fill the glass with ice, right up to the top.  Fill the ice-filled glass with cachaca.

Pour into a cocktail shaker and shake, shake, shake, senora, shake it all the time.

Decant back into the glass, make sure you don't have to drive anywhere, say goodbye to your loved ones, and enjoy.

The people at Leblon have prepared a nice tutorial on how to make one of these devils, but it won't taste as good as the one I've described for you here.  The crystallized ginger delivers an additional flavor note that I really enjoyed, in addition to an end-of-drink challenge to see if I could find the wee little ginger bit buried at the bottom of the glass. 

I've tried this with a variety of cachachas, and I'm enjoying Leblon right now.  I think.

review: heirloom by tim stark UPDATED

If you have ever grown tomatoes in your garden, you know the heartbreaks of blossom-end rot, of wilt, of bugs, of too much and too little rain, of weeds and critters. You've endured and persevered because you know that there is no taste in the world like a fresh-picked tomato, and you'll put up with no end of misery for that brief moment of bliss you experience when you bite into a real one.

And if you've ever grown tomatoes you've probably considered growing them from seed. And if you've considered growing them from seed, you've contemplated trying your hand with an heirloom variety or two because honestly, there has to be something more tasty than those cookie-cutter hybrids.

Tim Stark's Heirloom is not a how-to book. It doesn't deliver tips and tricks. What Tim has written is a Kitchen Confidential for the supply-side of the modern foodie revolution. It is a book you need to buy and read and not lend out.

It is an important book because it describes the slow but inevitable process of becoming so many of us encounter in our lives. Living as a freelance writer in Brooklyn, the story begins with Mr. Stark deciding to start 3,000 heirloom tomato seedlings in his apartment and then transplanting them into the shaley ground of his run-down family farm in eastern Pennsylvania.

Reading Heirloom you can experience that same relentless arc that Tony Bourdain described in his first (and best) book - it's no surprise that Tim became a farmer the same way it was no surprise that Tony became a cook. He exposes his rookie mistakes, the odd personalities of his pickers, the petty cruelties of his fellow farmers, the manic drives across I-78 to the City, and above all, his love for what he does.

The scene of Tim at the farm auction is especially poignant, as is his description of the caretaker who kept his family property from sliding into weedy ruin during his childhood. You experience the life of someone who shows up at the back door of the restaurant with baskets of impossibly fresh produce, the same raw materials that make celebrity chefs possible in the first place.

You get the real sense that this is not a guy with a fat bank account and a rock-solid roadmap; he made it up as he went along, learning and persevering and ultimately succeeding.

And all for tomatoes.

UPDATES:

A terrific interview with Tim Stark can be found here.  Thanks Kevin!

Last night (8/17/08) at 7:16pm eastern time I got a visit from a viewer from Saylorsburg, PA through a "heirloom, tim stark reviews" Google search. This morning around 8:30 I had a nearly 30 minute visit from someone at Random House who went directly to this page. Connected? I hope so! Who knows, ack/nak readers, this could be my big chance at stardom. Or more likely, I brought a smile to the author and his publisher. I'd be very happy with the latter, they deserve it.

And if you want to see what his Eckerton Hill Farm does in addition to tomatoes, check out this video:

scripting: bottling spontaneity

I'm having a very challenging time with a project I've been working on, and I'd like to ask for your advice.

Here's the challenge: when I need to speak in public I have no problem being spontaneous, I can work from some sketchy note cards or outline and produce something that I and my audience find satisfying.

But when I need to sit down and write it all down first, it doesn't fall out of my head at either the same rate or quality that I enjoy when I just stand up and do it.

Have any of you ever "recorded" yourself then transcribed it as the foundation for a speech or other creative project? Did it work?

Thanks.

baracky: 5:49 of funny

Happy Friday. I'm back from NYC, and have all manner of pictures and other stuff to share with you, but tonight, I'm decompressing and enjoying a delightful beverage (or two).

While you wait with breath (baited), you can enjoy this video. Or not.

piling on: rielle hunter on 23/6 video

As I am one of those quaint old-fashioned fellows who thinks that adultery is the ultimate betrayal and that adulterers deserve every bit of misery that life can throw their way, here's a funny bit of "piling on" the 23/6 people prepared for your enjoyment.

Oh, and now it seems that Mr. Edwards - while professing never-ending love and devotion for his wife ("who was in remission at the time") - brought his gal-pal on his 2006 presidential announcement tour (props to Scoble for scoring the photos and then for going back over them with his jeweler's loup). I'm stunned to think that this guy knew all of this - and still convinced people to contribute their time and money to his campaign. And in case you think that "his private life is private" and trot out rationalizations like "JFK diddled around" and "FDR had gal-pals" and "Taft had a pet duck he seemed to spend too much time with", let me offer the following:

Character colors everything. Give me a man or woman of character and I will forgive them a lack of experience, a lack of intelligence, even a lack of understanding. Because a man or woman of good character will be acknowledge their lacks, seek to remedy them, and make good use of what they learn.

I don't expect people to be perfect, especially politicians who live in a world of unrelenting equivocation and compromise. But I expect them - I demand them - to be people of good character.

And when they're not. . . this is what they having coming.

day by day: define "union" (NSFW)

It didn't take long for a reader to bring this to my attention after the comment I made at the bottom of my last post.  You are an attentive bunch.

definitions: radio sound jargon

SWEEPER - A 3-10 second "between the songs" attitude, positioning statement or station recall piece of audio that connects two songs. Sweepers are the MAJORITY of a station's imaging library. In commercial radio, there's a sweeper between every single song...to aid listener recall of what they're listening to...with the ultimate goal being to remind them that they're on [INSERT RADIO STATION NAME] or whatever station it might be. It images the station brand in the midst of music flow.

STINGER - Not an element of imaging like a sweeper, but rather more of a raw audio "workpart". They are the building block audio IN a sweeper that is behind the voiceover. Stingers are quick and fast sound effects, in essence....for example, a basic stinger would be a "swoosh" sound. Intel's logo sound at the end of every commercial (the three little notes you associate with Intel) would be called a Stinger. It denotes a change in motion...and matches the brand.

BUMPER - Also called a "ramp" in some circles, Bumpers are the musical beds or sound effects that lead INTO something. Morning shows will usually come out of a commercial break with some type of music before they begin talking...a small intro bed...these are BUMPERS...they are the buffer between two contrasting types of content...and psychologically "bridge the gap" in a listener's mind. Without bumpers, radio shows would give a choppy vibe...Bumpers provide flow without losing forward motion.

TEASER - Fully produced elements that "tease" or give a "taste" of what's to come in a certain amount of time in the future. Some stations might put a TEASER before their first commercial in a break to the effect of..."Next, It's The Hollywood Minute!" followed by quick content teases. Then the last commercial in the break would be followed by the full content item. The teaser matches the full content item in production, image and purpose...and in radio, is a method by which we hope to give the listener a reason to stick through the commercials...almost like a treat on the other side. Holding listeners for as many continuous minutes as possible is the key to higher ratings...because it builds "TSL", or TIME SPENT LISTENING. TSL is one of the most determining factors in radio ratings formulas. High TSL=High ratings..so stations use various methods to keep listeners through the programming areas (commercial breaks) that tend to cause listeners to leave the frequency.

PROMO - The high energy/completely branded and fully produced segment, almost like a commercial, but not to sell a product, but to sell the station. Promos can be based on a station giveaway occuring that day/week, they can be "montages" of the big hits on the station, etc. Promos are the BIG FAT GRANDADDY in radio imaging. Your station promos, literally, DEFINE the vibe of the station and are the most important and tightly constructed piece of the radio station, outside of the music. You can play great music, but unless your promos drive home the mindset of your station's goals/audience/target, it's proven listeners don't stay. Promos sell the brand. Radio isn't tangible..yet we still have to make people buy into it...but how do you make people buy into an IDEA rather than something they can TOUCH? That's the great imaging and radio formula in the sky that stations are focusing on every minute of the day.

ID's - There are legal ID's that are usually 3-5 seconds long and required by the FCC once an hour on commercial stations...this is probably the only time you hear the station's call letters...and it's usually buried within a commercial break at precise times. Of course, if the station's call letters ARE the station's name, the legal ID requirement is loosened. Some people in the old school of thought in radio still refer to SWEEPERS and ID's as one in the same. They both DO identify the station, but a SWEEPER is more branding-oriented, whereas a pure ID is merely there to identify rather than brand an image.

(source: Tyler, Imaging Director for B97 and BAYOU 105.3 (Entercom) in New Orleans)
(why feature this on ack/nak: because I'm hunting down great sources of production music like this for a podcast I'm working on)

oh my: oh my

Video care of Talking Points Memo

Oh, and some more:

review: beijing 2008 olympic games opening ceremonies

Wow.

reader questions: belstaff colonial canvas bags

James from California writes:

Dropping you a line about my experience with the ever popular Colonial line. I have a couple large shoulder bags, and a couple of the smaller ones. Really looking hard for a "body bag" but dont have my hopes up as they dont make them anymore. According to the website it looks like our color choices this year are Mountain Brown and "Kaki" as they spell it, thats all I have seen. You can see examples on the website now. Although after placing a call to the store in London, I know black is available too. Not sure why im writing you, except that I am interested to hear how your bag repair went, and to say I share your affinity for this particular mens accessory!

While you may not be sure why you wrote, I'm glad you did! Finding a bag that's "just right" is frankly damned hard, and the Belstaff Colonial Canvas bags are just perfect for hard daily use. I put a lot of stock in being able to carry around the stuff that you need to be productive wherever you go. As Buckaroo Banzai said, no matter where you go, there you are.

Actually, Thomas a Kempis wrote that back in the 15th century in Imitation of Christ, ca. A.D. 1440. You may have heard this quote some other places as well.

As you've indicated, Belstaff has pared down the Colonial Canvas line over the last year by reducing both the number of styles and colors available to us. Two casualties were, I believe, the Body Bag and the Marsupium. Thankfully the colors they've kept are the two best, and the remaining bags are all good with the exception of the travel bag, which looks like utter rubbish. I've not heard of black being available, and frankly, unless I was pottering around in biker leathers - which I do not - I wouldn't really care fot it.

The repairs were successful, thank you for asking. My kaki shoulder bag has been joined by a mountain brown shoulder bag I purchased, which I actually prefer over the kaki. It seems to be made of a much tougher, yet softer sort of canvas. And the mountain brown will be better at hiding, shall we say, the indignities of daily usage.

My general guidance is that any competent luggage shop could do the sort of repairs that are required for the shoulder bag - mostly reinforcing seams, sewing in patches and some spot cleaning.

The bag I'm hoping to acquire some day is the large man bag, as it has the same rough dimensions of the shoulder bag, except in portrait format as opposed to the landscape format of the shoulder bag. Plus I find the side pockets Not All That Useful. Perhaps next year.

Youngsang writes:

My search for a good bag led me to your blog. Your excellent post about Belstaff Shoulder Bag makes me confident on the end of my search. However, I live in Bloomington, IN. The places where I can have an experience with the bag are far from here. Alas...

I'm carrying my laptop, Apple's MBP (14.1 x 9.6 x 1) time to time. So, my bag should be able to hold the laptop in it. However, I do not look for a laptop bag. The bag doesn't have to provide a spacious room even when it holds the laptop. I think that it's OK if it can have the laptop in it and provide some space for a few documents or a fairly thin book, and laptop's power adaptor. Some small devices such as iPod, Cell Phone, and others can be put into outside pockets.

Do you think that Belstaff Shoulder Bag provides enough room for those? I guess that it would do if its width and height allow the room because its depth is 4 inch. (the depth would be enough.) If you're negative on this, I got to consider Belstaff Large Shoulder Bag. However, it seems to be a bit big as an every day bag. I'm not sure, though.

If you have a time to share your opinion with me, I would appreciate it although I've already been pleased to read your post in your blog. Anyway, I've contacted to L'Uomo in NYC in order to inquire the availability of the bag. They said that after the end of August, the stock would be available. I asked them the same question. However, they just said that the laptop would fit to the bag, but I would be limited. They couldn't provide more useful info. or experience.

The Shoulder Bag will accommodate the laptop you have and some other stuff. My concern is that the Large Shoulder Bag will be too big for your laptop, whereas it is snug but not tight in the Shoulder Bag. The power brick, cord, and other bric-a-brac of your computing life should fit nicely in the front and side pockets.

For computer schlepping purposes, the Shoulder Bag is a better choice than the Large Man Bag. You will actually need those side pockets.

If you're interested in buying the bag you should also add the Belstaff Showroom in NYC to your list of possible sources. I think they may actually be able to source more stuff for you than L'Uomo. I had a really great experience dealing with them.

edwards: you can leave your hat on + it's money I love

Because adultery is a sin unlike any other, I offer the following to Mr. John Edwards:

Baby, take off your coat...(real slow)
Baby, take off your shoes...(here, Ill take your shoes)
Baby, take off your dress
Yes, yes, yes
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Go on over there and turn on the light...no, all the lights
Now come back here and stand on this chair...thats right
Raise your arms up in to the air...shake em
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live

Suspicious minds are talking
Trying to tear us apart
They say that my love is wrong
They dont know what love is

+

I don't love the mountains
And I don't love the sea
And I don't love Jesus
He never done a thing for me
I ain't pretty like my sister
Or smart like my dad
Or good like my mama

It's Money That I Love
It's Money That I Love

They say that's money
Can't buy love in this world
But it'll get you a half-pound of cocaine
And a sixteen-year old girl
And a great big long limousine
On a hot September night
Now that may not be love
But it is all right

One, two
It's Money That I Love
Wanna kiss you
Three, four
It's Money That I Love

Used to worry about the poor
But I don't worry anymore
Used to worry about the black man
Now I don't worry about the black man
Used to worry about the starving children of India
You know what I say about the starving children of India ?

I say, "Oh mama"

It's Money That I Love
It's Money That I Love
It's Money That I Love
They dont know what love is
They dont know what love is
They dont know what love is
I know what love is

(lyrics by Randy Newman)

spotted: sasquatch cheeto

list: 10 creative in-flight revenue opportunities

With JetBlue's announcement today that they would sell a pillow and blanket set for $7 on flights of two hours or more, the airlines have completely exhausted the most likely set of in-flight revenue opportunities.

What follows is a list of 10 more "creative" opportunities for airlines to monetize their customers. Exact pricing is left to the discretion of the airlines. I can make recommendations if desired.

10. Snake-free Seating - for an extra $x the airline will seat passengers in a "snake-free section" of the plane that is guaranteed to be free from snakes.

9. Biohazard-free Seatback Pockets - for an extra $x the airline will fumigate and clean the seatback pocket in front of you, removing any accreted landfill built up by previous inhabitants of your seat.

8. Emergency Air Mask Policy - for an extra $x the airline will provide passengers with a guarantee that in case of depressurization the airmask that descends will actually work.

7. Service Cart Derby - for an extra $x a member of the in-flight staff will push a service cart into a passenger you designate. For an extra $x the airline will not reveal who paid the in-flight staff to do this.

6. Turn off the Baby - for an extra $x the airline will guarantee that the music you're listening to will not be randomly replaced by the sound of a screaming baby.

5. Turn off Coldplay - see #6.

4. The "No Sudden Dive" Collection Plate - for an extra $x per passenger, up to a pre-set dollar threshhold for the flight, the pilot of your plane agrees not to put the plane into an unannounced dive and subsequent climb at any point during the flight. Encourages team building among passengers.

3. Toilet Paper Vending Machines - for $x the airline will sell you an individualized package of toilet tissue. For an extra $x the airline will sell you an individualized package of toilet tissue that does not dissolve on contact with human flesh. Flight attendants can make change. . . for a minimal exchange fee.

2. Turn off the Magnets - for $x the airline will turn off the magnets in your seat-back tray. Great for laptop users.

1. The Pre-Flight Bake - for $x the airline will turn on the air conditioning at your seat, replacing the stream of stinky warm air that normally issues from the nozzle above you.


If you have any other great ideas for airlines, let me know.

roll to hit: mccain vs the new york times UPDATED

"If the shareholders of The New York Times ever wonder why the paper's ad revenue is plummeting and its share price tanking, they need look no further than the hysterical reaction of the paper's editors to any slight, real or imagined, against their preferred candidate," said McCain campaign spokesman Michael Goldfarb.

Goldfarb compared the editors to a blogger "sitting at home in his mother's basement and ranting into the ether between games of Dungeons & Dragons."

START TRANSCRIPT

Dramatis Personae (see UPDATE below for comments on race and class names):

DM=Dungeon Master
P1=Player 1 [Hobbit Thief]
P2=Player 2 [Half-elf Fighter/Magic-User]
P3=Player 3 [Human Barbarian]

DM: "OK, you're standing outside the door."

P1: "I check for traps."

(sound of rolling dice)

DM: "The hobbit thief detects a trap."

P1: "Schwing!"

P2: "While Short Round is clipping the red wire, I'll scan for secret doors."

P1: "Don't 'Short Round' me, you butt-f____r."

P3: "Speaking of butt-f_____g, can I get rid of this 10-foot pole?"

P2: "Stop whining."

DM: "It's going to take a few rounds for Short. . .the thief to defeat the trap, and about the same amount of time for the window-dresser to poke at the walls. What is the barbarian going to do?"

P3: "Oh, I don't know, maybe quote Derrida or Rimbaud."

P1: "I didn't know you had that skill."

P3: "It was a bonus feat I picked up the last time I levelled-up."

P2: "Cool. What does it let you do?"

P3: "I can shout imprecations and general bulls__t in a grandiose and generally ineffectual way."

P1: "That sucks balls, man. You chose that over Great Fortitude or Great Cleave?"

P3: "Actually, the feat is called Bullheaded. It means I am exceptionally headstrong and difficult to sway, and I get a +1 on all Will saves and +2 bonus on Intimidate checks."

P2: "That could actually come in handy, you don't get squat for Will saves and since you looove to use Intimidate that should help."

P1: "I'm not sure I'm looking for mental acuity in a barbarian, to be fair."

DM: "Trap defeated. You managed to salvage some vials of poison gas, you want to keep them?"

P1: "No way, last time I did that I sat on them in a bar and nearly killed everyone."

DM: "Yes, I remember. That was pretty f____g funny."

P1: "So. . . nice try. I leave them where they are."

P2: "Any secret doors?"

DM: "How far down the corridor were you planning on going?"

P2: "Oh, I don't know, maybe 20 feet?"

DM: "Three more rounds"

P3: "While we're waiting for The Great Wall Fondler to find his door to nowhere, what are you guys planning on writing about this Rick Davis 'race card' thing?"

P1: "I got a draft in to Andy (Rosenthal) this morning that makes a connection between McCain, Howard Ford and O.J. I found a Robert Shapiro quote that makes it sound like McCain's crew are reading from their playbook."

P3: "Money!"

DM: "Thanks for getting that to me, by the way. I'm going to run it as-is."

P1: "Thanks."

P2: "You looped in O.J.?  Dude, that's not right."

P1: "Not right? It's 346 words of absolutely f_____g right. What the f__k do Britney and Paris have to do with this election? For that matter, what does Moses have to do with it?  These guys are going bat-s__t crazy and it's time we called their tactics for what they are."

P3: "What it is is retail politics 101, make the election a referendum on the other guy."

DM: "Full marks to Conan here."

P3: "John's got no other choice. It's going to be guerilla war from now until November, anything Barry says is going to get the full metal jacket treatment. It's a good strategy. When and if we call him on it, he'll savage us as a bunch of hysterical lefties sitting at home in my mother's basement, ranting into the ether between games of Dungeons & Dragons."

P2: "Any secret doors?"

DM: "No secret doors."

P1: "Sucker."

END TRANSCRIPT

Next time on "The New York Times Editorial Board Plays D&D in One of their Mom's Basement":

DM: "There are four kobolds in the room playing canasta."

P3: "I charge in and kill them all."

P2: "I check for secret doors."

P1: "I hide in shadows and backstab."

DM: "How are you going to backstab kobolds if they're facing each other?"

P1: "Quickly."

(Photo of Andrew Rosenthal, New York Times Editorial Page Editor and World-Class DM by Fred R. Conrad for the New York Times [source])

UPDATE: I am aware that some readers who are especially familiar with the rules to the various editions of Dungeons & Dragons and Advanced Dungeons & Dragons have objected to the melange of rules reflected in the transcribed dialog above, as evidenced by their comments.

First of all, thank you for your comments, and welcome to all Boing Boing readers.

To readers who object to the non-canonical use of titles and rules, all I can say is that while I know that AD&D 4th edition has: Halflings, not Hobbits; Rogues, not Thieves; Wizards, not Magic-Users; and Fighters, not Barbarians (at least as of the publication of the first AD&D 4th ed Players Handbook), I am also sure the gentlemen whose game session was partially transcribed here probably knew this as well.  They are, after all, in the business of reading.

But being gentlemen of a "certain age", they probably began playing the game back in the era of Chainmail and the three soft-cover D&D books that came in the white box.  These gentlemen probably stayed vaguely current with the game over the years, selecting those elements of the rules that they liked and rejecting those they did not, always with an eye to enjoying a good game without particular interest in rules orthodoxy.

These gentlemen probably always called Halflings Hobbits, always thought of the spell-slinger as a Magic-User (since Wizard was the title of a level 11 Magic-User, not the name of the class), and preferred the drama of a Barbarian over the generic title of a Fighter.

Certainly no offense was intended, and I hope no offense taken, by users who prefer a more rigid view of the rules and adopt them in toto as opposed to on an ad hoc basis.  After all, it is a transcription.  I suggest sending a note to the Editorial Page.

get your war on: the watch list (NSFW)

NSFW WARNING: CONTAINS NAUGHTY WORDS AND SOUNDS OF GUNFIRE.

It's still brilliant.