networking: application packaging expert

In my time as a product manager for a Well Known Installation Software product, I got to know a lot of people across the so-called installation industry. Few of them impressed me more than Christopher Painter, a guy who can honestly describe himself as an industry-leading expert in application packaging and deployment.

Application packaging is a somewhat fancy way of saying "installation developer", but it goes without saying that it doesn't matter how good your software solution is if your customers can't install it and get it to work. The more complicated your solution and the more critical it is that it "play nice" with other applications on the target hardware, the more important your installation gets, QED. Chris may have a whole constellation of other skills, but this is how I know him.

I'm not sure if I'm doing Chris any favors here, but when I know of someone as capable as he is, I like to let people know about him. If you're a product manager of a packaged software solution, and you need to network with someone who really really understands the ins-and-outs of how to package up your baby so that it can be successfully deployed and installed, put Chris on your Rolodex.

Need more? Groove on his blog here.

The way I see it, we all need to look our for each other, right?

Right.

lesson: emotional leakage

A few minutes after a strategy planning discussion late yesterday afternoon, one of our executives sat down in my office.

"I thought that went well."

"Thanks," I said.

"Are you OK?"

"Yes. . .why?"

"There were a couple of moments in that meeting where you looked like your head was going to explode."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you didn't say anything, and your voice didn't show it, but you certainly looked it."

It's at moments like this when my vision narrows to a pinpoint and everything I hear turns into barking noises. The icy clutch of crystal-clear insight reached out, grabbed me by my jumblies, and squeezed.

I had been guilty of emotional leakage.

Thankfully it didn't sabotage my contribution to the meeting, but I can easily imagine there have been other situations when it has.

You probably remember watching Don Vito smack up Sonny and tell him to "never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking". Modify that to read "don't ever unintentionally tell anyone how you're feeling", and you capture the essence of my point, and the slight twinge of shame that comes from missing it.

The decision to not transmit emotions in an unintentional way requires some discipline. Being a kind of emotional guy, I can see this is going to be a challenge to balance the following:

1. To understand how I am transmitting information about what I am feeling
2. To not lose the ability to benefit from the transmission of emotion

Non-verbal cues are a huge part of anyone's communications arsenal. I think learning how to be a better communicator and ultimately a better leader is going to mean leaning how to master them.

Have you had this problem? Honestly, I think I'd rather be an emotional guy who knows how to control how he expresses his emotions than be a non-emotional guy who has to fabricate them.

resource: fortune cookie quote files

For Windows users, I recommend using these files with Catfood Fortune Cookies. You may need to do some delimiter tweaking first.

For UNIX users, compile and try this:

#include
#include

#define BUFSIZE 6000
#define SEP '|'
#define DEFAULT_QUOTE_FILE "qfn"

main (argc, argv)
int argc;
char *argv[];
{
FILE *fp;
char file[BUFSIZ];
void quote();

if (argc > 1)
strcpy (file, argv[1]);
else
#ifdef vms
sprintf (file, "%s", DEFAULT_QUOTE_FILE);
#else
sprintf (file, "%s", DEFAULT_QUOTE_FILE);
#endif

if ((fp = fopen(file, "r")) == NULL) {
perror(file);
exit(1);
}

/* initialize random seed */
srand((int) (getpid() + time((long *) 0)));

quote(fp);
fclose(fp);
exit(0);
}

void
quote (fp)
FILE *fp;
{
static long len = -1;
long offset;
int c, i = 0;
char buf[BUFSIZE];

/* Get length of file, go to a random place in it */
if (len == -1) {
if (fseek(fp, 0, 2) == -1) {
perror("fseek 1");
exit(1);
}
len = ftell(fp);
}
offset = rand() % len;
if (fseek(fp, offset, 0) == -1) {
perror("fseek 2");
exit(1);
}

/* Read until SEP, read next line, print it.
(Note that we will never print anything before the first seperator.)
If we hit EOF looking for the first SEP, just recurse. */
while ((c = getc(fp)) != SEP)
if (c == EOF) {
quote(fp);
return;
}

/* Skip leading whitespace, then read in a quotation.
If we hit EOF before we find a non-whitespace char, recurse. */
while (isspace(c = getc(fp)))
;
if (c == EOF) {
quote(fp);
return;
}
buf[i++] = c;
while ((c = getc(fp)) != SEP && c != EOF) {
buf[i++] = c;

if (i == BUFSIZ-1)
/* Whoa! Is this quotation too long yet? */
break;
}
buf[i++] = 0;
printf("%s\n", buf);
}

meme: facebook

I took the plunge and began my exploration of Facebook today. Readers interested in adding me to their "network" may feel free to click on the Facebook widget way down at the bottom of this page in the center column.

Are you a Facebook user? If you don't mind my asking, what is it good for? Not that everything needs to be good for something, of course. But all of the buzz around this application can't be without at least some merit.

news: gfeller moleskine covers in pre-production

(Welcome to everyone from Moleskinerie!)

Steve Derricott of Gfeller Case Makers reports that his firm will be producing leather Moleskine covers after the success of a prototype created for Paul Saffo.

Yes, we are going to be making Moleskine covers. As soon as we have tooling costs in hand we will post prices and expected production schedule. We will start with a cover for the Large Notebook. We anticipate being able to offer this in our Natural Russet, Chocolate and Black calfskin. Other size Moleskine covers are in the planning stage at this time. Input from users of other sizes is actively solicited...your input is what inspires the design of successful products.

Our website will be updated to include Moleskine related info as soon as possible. Please check there for the latest news on this and our other fine leather products. We specialize in short run (25-500 units typically) production of high quality leather goods. If you or anyone you know has needs at this level, kindly forward our name to them. We appreciate all the help we can get.

As a follow up to his first communication, Steve passed on the following additional data:

The "Small Moleskine Cover" is looking like another "must do" for us. The majority of inquiries thus far have been for the Large Cover, but we also have a growing number of folks interested in the Small size. We will be getting patterns ready for the small cover as soon as we can. Still waiting on response from the die makers, re the Large size pattern. They may have suggestions that can simplify the tooling. We will want to implement any of their suggestions in tools for the Small cover as well.

This is good news for Moleskine fans everywhere - if you're like me, you've wrecked more than one cover in the course of normal usage.

winner: the official cocktail of summer (2007)

Welcome to the Summer of 2007. No beatniks or hippies were injured in the creation of this summer's official cocktail.

Unlike last year, when the winner of the official cocktail of summer award was chosen from among a rich field of contestants, this summer's winner is an exercise in creatio ex nihilo.

The Chupacablahblah

One (1) 16oz plastic cup filled with ice.

Two (2) glugs of mezcal. I used Gusano Rojo. Use Monte Alban in extremis.

One (1) robust squirt of Nellie & Joe's Famous Key West Lime juice.

Multiple (x) glugs of pomegranate juice, or pomegranate/cranberry analog beverage.

Combine and shake. Consume. . . and shake some more.

travel: goin' to vegas

I'm off to Las Vegas tomorrow morning for a care management trade show.

Let's parse that for a moment, shall we.

Las Vegas + Trade Show

Now try this one on:

Teaneck + Trade Show

Doesn't quite pop the same way, does it. No offense, Teaneck, but you're not the trade show destination everyone thinks of first. Third, maybe. Right after West Orange.

But I digress.

I've spent my fair share of time in Vegas. I've never had the opportunity to see the real Vegas of the Rat Pack, or CSI, or Mo Green, or even Tony Bourdain. Their Vegas is a snappy, hip place of high-rollers and low-lifers. Their Vegas is a place of extremes.

All I've gotten to see is the unterVegas, a surreal ur-world that exists out of time and out of phase with the rest of reality.

My Vegas never changes.

I've seen the insides of convention halls and the enclosed, mall-like shopping zones that connect them to the casinos. They all look the same.

The ding-ding-dingdingding sounds of slot machines ringing in my head for days on end, and the flat tang of stale smoke infused into every article of my clothing, these never change. The feeling of my head spinning from too much oxygen and my eyes aching from the sudden blast of sunlight at the end of the trip when I finally emerge back into the world, these are familiar and constant sensations. They are perfectly predictable.

I've seen the shows, the big smiles, the snazzy encores.

I've eaten too-big steaks, endured too-big sounds, been threatened with too-big fun.

I've been to Vegas. And now I'm going back.

If you're a PM, you've been to Vegas.

Maybe I'll see you there. I'll recognize you by the look in your eyes.

innovation: kerosene-filled eyeball toys

(Hello readers from British Car Forum!)

I thought swapping diethylene glycol for glycerine was bad.

Then came the tainted pet food. And toothpaste.

Then the New York Times reported the following on the recent recall of Thomas and Friends toys:

China manufactured every one of the 24 kinds of toys recalled for safety reasons in the United States so far this year, including the enormously popular Thomas & Friends wooden train sets, a record that is causing alarm among consumer advocates, parents and regulators.

But that was all a warm-up for the topper.

Just in the last month, a ghoulish fake eyeball toy made in China was recalled after it was found to be filled with kerosene.

Let's see what OSHA has to say about the dangers of kerosene exposure:

Eye, skin, nose, throat irritation; cough, burning sensation in chest; headache; nausea, lassitude, restlessness; poor coordination, confusion, drowsiness, unconsciousness; dermatitis; vomiting, diarrhea; chemical pneumonitis, fire eater's pneumonia (from aspiration).

Oh my.

Sure, I'm outraged and disappointed that truly dangerous, potentially lethal products disguised as everyday items are being sold to us and that we're buying them. .

. . . but gosh, I want to meet the product manager who got them approved.

"OK, today we're going over our product roadmap for the first half of 2007. To keep us on schedule, I'm not going to go over the current production queue. A copy of the current earned-value report can be found on tab three in your binder. If you could, please turn to tab four and we'll get started."

"Terrific meeting prep, by the way."

"Thanks. There are eleven proposals on the table today. A summary on figure four. . ."

"Um, excuse me. . ."

"Yes?"

"I hope I'm not jumping ahead?"

"Not a problem."

"I'm a bit concerned over proposal seven."

"Ah, yes. The Whizzo Eye-Ball Gag. It's projected to earn in the range. . ."

"The notes say you're recommending. . .kerosene. . . as the fill liquid?"

"Yes, kerosene."

"Do you think that's wise?"

"Kerosene offers the Whizzo Eye-Ball Gag a number of major performance advantages at a modest cost."

"Kerosene is a fuel oil."

"It also tested extremely well in our focus groups across all six key usage metrics. The closest alternative had a much less impressive performance score at three times the cost."

"It's poison."

"If you'll just turn to tab six, I believe the figure I want to refer you to is on page eleven."

"Tensile strength studies?"

"Yes. One of the cornerstones of the Whizzo Eye-Ball Gag is the tremendous durability of the plastic used to create the outer shell, combined with a high performance inner membrane with self-sealing characteristics over the expected lifetime of the unit."

"So what's your point?"

"With respect to the Whizzo Eye-Ball Gag, research showed that repeated attempts to compromise the outer capsule failed under normal usage patterns, and under inappropriate use, failure did not compromise the inner membrane."

"Who did this research?"

"Our normal research contractor."

"Do you have documentation of the test protocols used?"

"Sir, I appreciate where you're coming from. But where you see kerosene, I see a superior product at a great price. Besides, everyone knows that something that smells as bad as kerosene isn't something you should be putting in your mouth or rubbing on you face, right?"

"Yes, of course, but. . ."

"So even if little Joey Smith manages. . . and I'm not convinced he will. . . to pick his way through the outer membrane, the toy is still safe. And if I'm not mistaken, there is a thin fluid between the inner and outer membrane, right?"

"That appears to be what is documented here."

"And when Joey Smith sees that, he'll figure the toy is broken and he'll throw it away. Who wants an eyeball toy that's broken?"

"I see your point."

"Thank you. Now, if you please, take note of proposal one - the Whizzo Lawn Dart."

style: big animal pictures

I've discovered a work writing style that really. . . works.

I can sum it up in three words - Big Animal Pictures.

In the past I used to write in an over-long, prosey style that could blow the top off of a Flesch-Kincaid test without blinking.

I have come to realize a few things about this sort of writing:

1. The people who you want to communicate with won't read it.
2. Anyone who does take the time to read it isn't someone you need to communicate with. Not really.

And so we come to Big Animal Pictures.

Big Animal Pictures mean short sentences wrapped around headings in a "get to the point" style. A Flesh-Kinkaid level that clocks in under 10th grade. Where two words will do, use one. Avoid commas if at all possible. Three to four sentences per paragraph.

It feels great to get to the point. Just like it feels great to not have to prove how smart I am anymore.

And if you're curious, Big Animal Pictures is a crass allusion to the sort of children's books that tell a story using. . .Big Animal Pictures. You don't pair Big Animal Pictures with Dickensian prose. Or even Plathian prose. You tell the story, and let the Big Animal Pictures speak for themselves.

PS - I think blogging has helped me "get to the point" - when was the last time you saw one of my ack/nak posts "go long"?

walgreens: eegs 3 - $3

Such a bargain.

(Photo: Walgreens, Glen Ellyn, IL)

lovett: if I had a boat (updated)

If I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

If I were Roy Rogers
I'd sure enough be single
I couldn't bring myself to marrying old Dale
It'd just be me and trigger
We'd go riding through them movies
Then we'd buy a boat and on the sea we'd sail

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

The mystery masked man was smart
He got himself a Tonto
'Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said kemo sabe
Kiss my ass I bought a boat
I'm going out to sea

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

And if I were like lightning
I wouldn't need no sneakers
I'd come and go wherever I would please
And I'd scare 'em by the shade tree
And I'd scare 'em by the light pole
But I would not scare my pony on my boat out on the sea

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

If I Had a Boat
Lyle Lovett
from Pontiac (1987)

UPDATE: I've been a big fan of this song for a while, and finally got around to learning it over the last week. I found that I can slow the tempo down a little from what Lyle sings it at and it works pretty well for me. E-flat major is just about right. I'm a particular fan of Tony Furtado's version (thanks Amazon for the sample).

Next up, Mo Ghile Mear.

omakase: a difficult ideal

Omakase (お任せ) is a Japanese word meaning "entrust" or "protect". It's best known in the States as a way to order sushi - you entrust the sushi chef to choose what you'll be eating, and in exchange for letting the chef set the price, you get a meal that surprises you and more often than not delights you.

When I lived in Ann Arbor many (many) years ago, I would sit at the end of the sushi bar at Miki and say "Sumimasen, Nori-san. . .omakase onegaishimasu". He would nod once and go to work, serving me at his own pace (which I suspected was the ideal pace) until he sensed I was through (regardless of whether I was full). The meal lasted just the right amount of time, with just the right number of courses for that evening and for the fish he had on hand.

You didn't have to order omakase - it wasn't advertised or even suggested. But whenever I did, I could always see someone looking at my dishes with an envious expression.

"That looks really good - what is it?" they'd ask.

"I don't know," I'd reply. "Nori-san chose it for me."

It felt like a little secret then, my omakase dinners at Miki. Over time, he became a better judge of my tastes, and I learned to trust his. I would eat at Miki even when I couldn't really afford to eat there, just to have that experience of trust given and trust rewarded again.

That was really the heart of it - I trusted Nori-san - and Nori-san worked hard to deserve my trust. In return, I was scrupulously loyal to his restaurant, and to him. I knew I'd be delighted by whatever he served. He understood me, and I think in giving him free rein to express himself through his art, he came to appreciate that I understood him as well.

The bond of trust embodied in omakase is a worthy and difficult ideal I think product managers should strive for. Put another way, I want the sort of customers who trust me to take their best interests to heart, and who will let me delight them in ways they might not even realize they wish to be delighted.

one more thing: safari on windows

Fresh from WWDC 2007 - Wow!

Safari 3 on Leopard...now runs on Windows XP/Vista.

Why?

• 18 Million Safari users
• Marketshare has climbed to 4.9%
• IE has 78%, Firefox 15%, others 2%

"What we've got here is the most innovative browser in the world, but also the fastest browser on Windows."

Some benchmarks:

• javascript: ie 2.4 sec, ff 1.6, saf 0.9
• ibench html performance ie 4.6 sec, ff 3.7, safari 2.2

"Twice as fast as IE 7, 1.6 times faster than Firefox 2."

Hold your hat, folks. This is going to get interesting. A public beta should be available today from http://www.apple.com/safari

An early benchmark from a non-Apple source can be found here.

metareview: eamonn fitzgerald on andrew keen

Eamonn Fitzgerald, eponymous author of Eamonn Fitzgerald's Rainy Day, dug into Andrew Keen's The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet Is Killing Our Culture and Assaulting Our Economy last Wednesday.

I'm debating what side of the fence Mr. Fitzgerald sees himself standing on, especially in light of this:

Keen's got the buzz, because when it comes to blogging he's dismissive. No, make that contemptuous. "Bloggers today are forming aggregated communities of like-minded amateur journalists?.?.?.? where they congregate in self-congratulatory clusters," he says, and continues, "Millions and millions of exuberant monkeys — many with no more talent in the creative arts than our primate cousins — are creating an endless digital forest of mediocrity. For today's cult of amateur monkeys can use their networked computers to publish everything from uninformed political commentary to unseemly home videos, to embarrassingly amateurish music, to unreadable poems, reviews, essays and novels." Ouch! Me an "exuberant monkey"? That hurts.

Mr. Keen, of course, wishes to reserve the right of publication to those exuberant monkeys who, having endured years of penury and ritualized abuse at the hands of all-knowing editors, have truly earned the right to have their exalted monkey-script published on paper, wot wot.

Of course he's right - much of what passes for "journalism" and "writing" on the intrawebs is truly crap flung by exuberant monkeys (like your humble poo-flinging author (see word pairings)). Then again, a lot of "professional" published work is crap too. One man's Paris Review is another man's Teen Beat.

I originally hesitated to compare Mr. Keen to the operator of an ice-making business reading an advertisement for one of those new-fangled electric refrigerator thing-a-majigs. Then I read the last line of his book's synopsis (in fairness, he probably didn't write it, but as an exuberant monkey, I don't have to be fair, merely exuberant):

While no Luddite-Keen pioneered several Internet startups himself - he urges us to consider the consequences of blindly supporting a culture that endorses plagiarism and piracy and that fundamentally weakens traditional media and creative institutions.

Fundamentally weakens traditional media and creative institutions? No Luddite, indeed. Henny Penny, perhaps.

I should say that I'll read the book then form an opinion. But that would be a betrayal of my exuberant monkey-nature. Besides, I'd just be tempted to cut-and-paste whole sections of it online, right?

(Recommended reading: Spider Robinson's Melancholy Elephants.)

word pairing: feckless stooge (with EULA)

Hi there. It's time again for Word Pairings. Let's get on with it, shall we.

As this word pairing is bound to cause some controversy, a few ground rules first.

1. Word pairings and associated exampli gratia are offered "as is" without any warranty as to their performance, quality or fitness for any particular purpose. The reader assumes the entire risk as to the quality and performance of the word pairings.
2. In no event shall I or anyone else who has been involved in the creation, development, production, or delivery of these word pairings be liable for any direct, incidental or consequential damages, such as, but not limited to, loss of anticipated profits, prestige, reputation, personal injury, sudden mutation, loss of employment, death of your dog, or any other result stemming from the use of these word pairings.
3. Word pairings are provided for entertainment purposes only, and are not for resale.
4. Word pairings are provided in English (American). Translation is not recommended, but could be pretty funny.
   
5. In the event of an adverse event, the reader is advised to make up a phrase that sounds a lot like the word pairing, or use the one provided with the word pairing.
6. In no event should the reader presume that the author of the word pairing would actually use the word pairing, or is thinking of anyone or anything in particular while creating the word pairing. Please refer to #3 above.

Whew!

Tonight's word pairing is

Feckless stooge

(recovery phrase: reckless kludge)

One of the earliest identifiable attributions of feckless stooge goes to Hezekiah Jones on October 11, 2003 at 1:06 AM. An earlier, more illustrative use by Charles Cooper on May 16, 2003 at 4:00 AM reads:

By the mid-1990s, Kahn was gone and the [Borland] CEO's office had turned into a revolving door with one feckless stooge followed by another.

There are two points to be learned from Mssrs. Jones and Cooper:

1. Feckless stooge is a show-stopper of a word pairing.
2. It must only be used in the wee hours of the morning (see below).

The nastygram that is feckless stooge owes its power to its roots:

feck·less (adj.)
1. Lacking purpose or vitality; feeble or ineffective.
2. Careless and irresponsible.

stooge (n.)
1. The partner in a comedy team who feeds lines to the other comedian; a straight man.
2. One who allows oneself to be used for another's profit or advantage; a puppet.
3. Slang: a stool pigeon.

Individually, feckless is a two syllable blunt instrument, and stooge carries the quaint aroma of mid-20th century comedy teams and hackneyed gangster slang.

Collectively, they need to be placed under glass and festooned with warning labels.

The paucity of identifiable written uses of feckless stooge is evidence enough to suggest this word pairing is on someone's DO NOT USE list of poisonous adjectives, along with ass hat and [REDACTED].

If you must use feckless stooge in a conversation, do so sotto voce and with the benefit of electronic voice obfuscation while wearing a black hoodie sweatshirt and standing behind a large pillar in a dark parking garage.

If you must - G-d forbid- use feckless stooge in writing, do so only on flash-paper, or in the wee hours of the morning. Such usage may be plausibly denied later as "it was really late, and I was really, really tired/drunk/stoned/channeling Boss Tweed".

Or, you could just be an a-hole and use it willy-nilly. It's really your call.

Examples to follow.

planning: phasing in process

I held a "quarterly product planning" meeting last week. On its own, this isn't news. All organizations plan, and we're no different.

But last week's meeting was different in that I started to introduce some of the Stage Gate planning methodology - with a focus on the words "started" and "introduce".

Small companies have advantages over large ones. The challenge is to balance the desire to maintain the traits that make a small company successful with the imperative to adopt a more process-centric view of product development. I've used a few planning methodologies before, and this one is as good as one as any. If you have another, I'm all ears.

My strategy is to start small and build on success - rather than ram all of Stage Gate down their throats, I picked a few elements of it to start with. Over time, I'll introduce more and more of the elements to correspond with our growth and appetite for process sophistication.

I've lived through the experience of watching an organization use Stage Gate incorrectly. There it seemed as if Stage Gate was a way to not make decisions, and as a result, to "not plan". With so many "smart people" sitting around the table asking "smart questions", no project ever made it further than the first few steps. It was a zero-sum game - in order for the "smart people" to look smart, they had to make others "look dumb".

Over time, Stage Gate became synonymous with lack of progress, and when the new regime came (because new regimes always do), it was one of the first casualties.

Wish me luck. If you've had experience using it successfully over time, drop me a note.

word pairing: classy sophisticate (updated)

Hello, and welcome back to Word Pairings. Tonight's episode is brought to you by. . .awww, who am I fooling. I'm doing this for free.

Tonight we turn the dust-speckled spotlight of a methadone-addled intellect (not mine) on a word pairing you can dress up in any number of interesting ways:

Classy sophisticate(s)

Want to go ironic? Use classy sophisticate(s) to characterize the boorish louts who dare to compete with your company. Best applied after said louts do something particularly boorish, like hire booth bunnies. Mmmm. . . bunnies.

Feeling a bit self-deprecating? Turn it on yourself, perhaps to describe your penchant for wearing blue jeans every day, every week, accompanied by a black corporate-logo polo shirt.

Want to play chicken with HR? Naw, you'd never want to do that. You're too. . . classy. And sophisticated. Especially if you considered impugning anyone with this word pairing. As an anonymous reader from Vallejo (or just logging in from there) wrote...

Hate is a four letter word. It doesn't matter how one dresses it up or pairs it up with different words; it's ugly, it's dishonest and it makes people feel bad.

If you going to be a hater, be up front. Don't be coy. Don't be shy and don't play chicken with HR.

So please. Use classy sophisticate(s) with care. Don't be a hater. Be a. . . classy sophisticate.

Examples to follow.

partnership: apple/google announcement at WWDC 07?

I (generally) don't traffic in rumor and innuendo. Ahem.

But a Digg comment-er laid out a very cogent argument this morning (borrowing heavily from a Seth Weintraub article) for what we might see in an Apple/Google announcement at Monday's WWDC, and why.

Pure Speculation: .Mac to integrate Google Apps into fold - maybe even iWork?

OK, I admit this: I am basing this on some facts and some speculation but if you can stay with me here, this might all make some sense:

1. In a recent stockholder meeting, Steve Jobs admitted that .Mac has hasn’t achieved its full potential, but said the company was working on it.

2. Eric Schmidt, Apple Board Member and Google CEO, said that there are going to be a lot of Apple-Google partnerships because they have "common competitors". Common competitors==Microsoft. Microsoft's bread and butter==Office. We've already seen a flurry of Google Applications for Macintosh, the GMaps and Gmail on the iPhone, but why not Google Docs and Spreadsheets integrated into .Mac? Seems like a perfect fit.

3. Using iChat as a guide, we know that another network (AOL) allowed .Mac users their own namespace xxx@mac.com as AIM names. Google could do the same thing in Apps. Perhaps the whole mac.com domain would be ported to Google Apps.

4. Google has cheap, fast, plentiful cloud space. They also have the ability and desire to search it and advertise on it (monetize it).

Gmail has won the battle against .Mac Mail for most Macintosh users. Calendar/IM/Addressbook integration? Diskspace (100mb vs. 3GB and counting)? Spam detection? Google wins most of these battles hands down.

Google is SPENDING $5/domain for Apps users through its Adsense subsidiary. They WANT more non-paying users. Apple would be happy to offload the .Mac users on Google. Apple’s $100/year customers could get a premium version of Apps with desktop backups and larger file space and a lot of the benefits they currently enjoy. Apple isn’t a cloud vendor, it is a Hardware/Software company. They want to stick to what they do best.

5. We know that iChat in Leopard has a special account preference for GTalk accounts. Not that you currently can't use ANY Jabber (Gtalk is based on Jabber) server in iChat. It is just interesting that they’ve split off the GTalk from the rest of the Jabber servers.

6. It has been 18 months (forever in software development at Apple) since iWork was last updated. That is lots of time to do some pretty fun things. I would love to see Apple enter the Blog editing game here - where MarsEdit, Ecto, Journaler are sweeping up. This would also be a serious game changer for the Pages.app/MS Word rivalry on the Mac Platform. And for google’s part? What better way to get into blog editing than use Google’s Writley technology.

7. Google needs a Keynote type of presentation tool, Apple needs a spreadsheet tool to round out their Office competition. They both have what the other needs.

8. Throw the Sun OpenOffice.org into the mix. The first Native Alpha release of this software was released this week. Both Apple and Google have been playing very nice with Sun lately.

9. iWork. This might just be the most important piece of the puzzle. There are so many things that can happen here, I am going to break it down into another subset.

* iWork could be a caching front end for Google Docs and Spreadsheets. Use it when you are on an airplane, at grandma's house with no Internet, in the subway, wherever Internet is spotty. As long as we are on the subject, why not use it all of the time you are on your own computer? The Web application interface is nice, but not Native Application Pages.app/Keynote nice.

* While we are talking about applications, what is stopping Apple from porting iWork and iLife applications to Windows? Quicktime and iTunes already enjoy a large following in the Windows camp. A few more ice cubes in hell perhaps?

* OR, and I realize we are flopping off of the deep end here, what if Apple sells a Leopard virtual machine for Windows which functions like Parallels Coherence mode (except Mac operating in Windows, not Windows operating in Mac). Run Leopard anywhere! You could even boot from a Google HOSTED OS. Not a full version, mind you, but a stripped down, embedded version of the Mac OS like they are throwing into AppleTV and the iPhone. One of the great things about virtualization is the elimination of the need for gigabytes of drivers and such. Install small Google/Apple app on your Windows desktop. As a comparison, Parallels is around 70 megs - bout the same size as iTunes/Quicktime. Your OS and files sit in the cloud. Can be done, why not? OK, I realize not everyone has Fiber in their house…yet.

Maybe in a few years? We'll see. But as for WWDC? I think there is every chance that .Mac will integrate with Google Apps. Why not? It makes sense for all parties and would finally give Microsoft a run for its money. Plus the enemy of your enemy is your friend.
http://9to5mac.com/-Mac-integrate-apps-google-iwork

PS - Perhaps Digg member rued is Seth Weintraub. Rued lists his homepage as The Paris Times, and Seth Weingtraub is a contributor to the Paris Times.

The world may never know. Cue Charms Tootsie Roll Pop ad.

UPDATE 1 - Shazam, the question is answered in the first comment.

UPDATE 2 - It appears that this article got picked up by the Wall Street Journal online. Too bad I don't have a subscription, otherwise I'd read it. In any event, welcome all of you, drop me a line if you'd like. Glad to have you. Wipe your feet before you come in, and whatever you do, don't annoy the tiger.

word pairing: boring mumbly

Choosing the right word isn't quite as easy as matching socks, but with a little help and some practice you can wow the kids down at the soda shop with language that'll make George Will sound like a narcoleptic circus carny with Tourette's.

The first step on your Road to Erudition is to explore novel word pairings. Used correctly, your lips will tingle from the spiciness of your conversation.

Tonight's word pairing is:

Boring mumbly

First used by Whitney Pastorek on July 23, 2002 to compare different types of "readings"

We've all been to boring mumbly readings, and we've all been to happy fun exciting ones.

this zippy two-fer holds tremendous potential. It's evocative, memorable, and best of all it forces the speaker (and the listener) to slow down. Don't believe me? Try saying boring mumbly five times fast.

Take your time, linger over the words and they will reward you, even in the middle of a more fast-paced sentence (for the advanced practitioner only).

Another asset of this pairing is the way saying it makes you look - laconic, knowing and worldly, and dare I suggest it, aristocratic. Feel the way your face moves under the influence of boring mumbly.

Combine boring mumbly with a sweeping gesture, perhaps that of a hand holding a glass of wine (red, Bordeaux).

Use boring mumbly sparingly, never with the same individual twice.

Examples to follow.

list: children's books that didn't make it (expanded)

Friday is a day to enjoy the classics. Most lists of Children's Books that Didn't Make it end at book 28. This list, however, Goes the Extra Mile to book 41. Gosh!

1. You Are Different and That's Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go To Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have The Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were An Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But you Never Will

21. Pop! Goes the Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

29. Strangers Have the Most Comfortable Cars

30. Getting More Chocolate on Your Face

31. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer. . . Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!

32. Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets

33. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad

34. Babar Meets the Taxidermist

35. Where the F**k is Waldo?

36. Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom's Purse

37. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead

38. How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School

40. Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear

41. When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It

42. What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?

43. Bi-Curious George

iphone: open for 3rd party software development

I was delighted to learn that Apple plans to make it possible for 3rd party software developers to create solutions for the upcoming Apple iPhone.

First DRM-free songs on iTunes, now an "open" software platform. . . we are truly living in interesting times.

disconnections: losing touch

I've lived through my share of "reductions in force" and "restructurings" in my career. I generally came out on the other side feeling a mixture of elation and depression, suddenly aware of empty cubes, interrupted conversations and bigger workloads. Judgment had been passed, and I had been deemed worthy and that was that.**

But when you watch one of these "restructurings" happen at a former employer and learn that people you know and admire are numbered among the suddenly (and inelegantly) fired/terminated/riffed/"given a package", it's an entirely different sensation.

Different in part because you've already disconnected that part of you that could have been wounded by such an action. The lack of a personal stake makes the event itself a bit of a non-starter. . .Randy Newman put it best: "I don't care 'cause I'm all right".

But also different because you become truly disconnected from the cause you used to fight for with the departure of your comrades.

The competitors you used to worry about, the specific customers you used to love and agonize over, the politics, the constellations of ennui and energy that used to define your relationship with the company. . .you can be distanced from those and still care if the the people stay the same. You still care because these people hold an institutional memory of you, for better or worse, and that's a strong connection. The shared experience binds you.

But with the departure of the people you used to go to war with, there's less left to sustain your interest. Memories fade, life goes on.

I fear the disconnections created by the transiency of work diminish us, bit by bit.

**I know this opens the door to a comment from Ron on the dehumanizing effect of the corporate model, but that's OK.

sigh: toys that don't depreciate, memories that do

Eight years ago, my wife and I bought a plastic Little Tykes ride-in car at a garage sale. It was red with a yellow roof, a thin plastic steering wheel, a door that opened and a gas cap that didn't.



It was clean, lightly used, and priced right: $10. My son loved it. I have a vivid memory of him "driving"around the driveway of our New Jersey home, beep-beeping as he pushed it along at less than 1 mph. He rode it until he couldn't fit in it anymore, and it was retired to the basement.

Flash forward eight years. The same car sat on our driveway Saturday next to boxes of children's books, puzzles and the other oddments of early childhood.

Another couple found it. It was clean, lightly used, and priced right: $10.

As they pushed it away to their car, I watched it go with mixed emotions.

One part of me was delighted that I hadn't shelled out the $50 those things go for new.

Another part was scrambling to catalog all of my memories of my son in the same car before it passed out of sight.

In the end, I've got my $10 back, and a vague sense that there are a lot of memories inside of me that I'll never get back.

aaaaaaaa: cicada madness

I spent all of the morning and the first part of the afternoon manning a garage sale today.

I can stand the heat. I can endure the humidity.


But the constant jet-engine wail of the Brood XIII Cicadas has driven me utterly, irreversibly mad.

Mad, I say! Maaaaad!

And when I hit the road later in the day, I discovered that the cicadas have made everyone else mad!

People are driving like crazed drunkards, pedestrians stagger, dogs lay on the ground with their paws over their ears, whimpering. Even with the car windows rolled up and the radio blaring, I could still hear them.

There are so many damned cicadas in the air I actually managed to witness two of them colliding in flight.

Taking a walk this evening, I brushed up against a low-handing branch of a tree and was showered with chitinous confetti.

Watching them emerge from their nymph casings, white and pulsating, is the stuff of nightmares.

No wonder I get stomach-flops when I remember my neighbor crunching them down last Sunday night at the end of a (very long and over-served) Memorial Day picnic.

It's enough to make Colonel Kurtz leave Nam and book a room in the Tokyo Hilton.

(Photo of adult cicadas by Roy Troutman)